Here are a few things I’ve learned being married for 14 years.
Hi friends! I’ve been MIA bc the kids had a 5 day weekend off from school. Jimmy and I also celebrated our 14 year anniversary yesterday. We celebrated by going to Costco because you know, we’re still parents and we have to feed these little people in our home. Why do they eat so much? Thankfully, we were able to drive into the city and had dinner at Gunshow. They serve food dim sum style where the individual chefs bring out their own dishes and you get to decide to try it or not. We tried most of the menu and they were all really delicious. It’s a bit pricey but worth going once for a special date night.
I had all the intentions in the world to write a fun little blog post centered around 14 things I’m super thankful for as we celebrated this particular wedding anniversary. As with all good intentions, life got too busy and you know, ain’t nobody got time fo dat.
Jimmy and I must have read each others’ minds because he actually posted something along those lines on facebook yesterday. It’s funny because he’s a pretty mushy and very intentional with his words in real life but is much more reserved about that sort of stuff on social media. He always says it’s more important to display and say things to people in real life than it is on social media. I couldn’t agree more and I totally respect that he reserves a lot of that for private moments. However, I guess he felt compelled to write this list yesterday and I loved it so much, I decided to steal it for today’s post. I also added a little blurb next to each one of his sentences to add my 2 cents. This will be fun to look back in another 14 years to see what else will be added to this growing list.
To My Dearest Yuni Min,
Happy 14th Anniversary!
14 things I’ve learned/am learning over 14 years of marriage in no particular order:
14. Appliances may not seem like a great gift but they can turn out to be great (panini maker) Funny story: Jimmy bought me a panini maker one year for either my birthday or anniversary and I was really annoyed because…. seriously?!! A panini maker?!! Well, it turned out to be the gift that kept giving because you can put anything on that dang griddle and it’s the bomb! Pizza, day old pancakes, sandwiches, dduk (korean rice cake), you name it. Slap it on that thing and it’s 10X better than the original. It’s so well used that we’re currently on our fourth panini maker. My friends all bought one after I kept raving about it. Hey, Kitchen Aid, if you want to sponsor me anytime, my answer is yes!
13. You don’t need an occasion for flowers or chocolate or ice cream or etc… It’s true. Jimmy is really good at bringing home flowers on a Tuesday or Thursday or any random day really. Fellas, if you’re reading this, do this. They are cheap at Publix! It doesn’t have to be a massive arrangement. I love a few simple few stems from the grocery store.
12. Leadership means learning to be a servant Look, Jesus showed it best. I once heard from a pastor that you ought to see who can outserve the other spouse in a marriage. If we display this heart and we are always seeking to serve the other, everyone wins.
11. Doing nothing together is an important skill, on the other hand, find something you can enjoy together We’ve been married 14 years but have been together for 21 years. That’s a long time! We not only love each other but we actually still really like each other a lot and enjoy each other’s company. Praise JESUS!
10. Talk about what time you think is the “right time to go to bed” and then go to bed when your wife goes to bed I don’t like going to bed at separate times so we make sure to hit the hay together every night. Plus, I need this for #2 below.
9. Look for ways to remove fears for your wife Jimmy knows my heart better than anyone else. After Jesus, he is the first person to help relieve any fear, anxiety or stress just by listening and being there for me.
8. Don’t be afraid to talk about difficult things together Marriage sharpens you in every way possible. There are a few topics that are more wise to talk to your girlfriends, but otherwise, Jimmy and I talk about all the hard things. It’s not all peaches here, people! Real life happens and with that there are real life hardships, trials, disappointments, etc. Create a safe space for your spouse to talk about these difficult topics free of judgment. Rebuke at the right time and speak words of encouragement. Most importantly, pray together.
7. Find out what makes your wife laugh We are really silly. Like I slap my husband’s butt all the time silly. I can’t remember a day that passed where we didn’t laugh even in the hardest of days. Life can be hard so we need to have the freedom to be silly and juvenile.
6. Your wife is always the most special person in the room…make her feel that way I love that he wrote this. It just takes a glance or getting up to get an extra slice of cake for me. He knows me too well. 😀
5. Listen more, talk less It’s so easy to speak our mind but listening takes more self-control and dying to yourself. I’m still practicing this daily
4. Be patient with each other.This one is quite important especially after having three kids. We have to practice this daily with each other and and our kids. Being patient not only means waiting but simultaneously exuding kindness and respect. It also means giving the other person the benefit of the doubt. Modeling this for our children is super important to us. Jules, JJ and Emmy will see first hand what it means for a husband to treat his wife and vice versa. Lord, help us!
3. Find out what being a gentleman means for your wife (opening doors, ordering for her at restaurants, never letting her walk on the street side of the side walk, etc…) This one made me laugh because it’s so true. He never lets me walk on the street side. This doesn’t mean that I don’t get to order my food. Nonsense! It means he knows me well enough to order for me when I’m struck with major indecisiveness. Look, it’s because I want to eat ALL THE THINGS. The struggle is real. If I don’t like my dish, he’ll always switch with his. That’s true love and sacrifice, friends!
2. Find your wife’s favorite form of physical affection (holding hands, hugging, shoulder massage, etc…). Practice often. This is why we go to bed at the same time because I need my nightly massage and scratch to wind down for bed. It’s true, I’m like a cat that needs a lot of back scratching. I’m just emphasizing that I think this is an important time to be together to have your last heart to heart chat, prayer and cuddle time.
1. Speak words that give life to your wife This one reminds me of my post a while back on how we all have the choice and power to speak life or death over people. What we say and how we say it really holds a ton of power.
I had so much fun putting this post together! If you’re reading this and find yourself getting discouraged because your marriage isn’t in a good place, don’t despair. Hope has a name and it’s Jesus. There is great power in his name. In the last few years, we have witnessed first hand the miraculous ways God has healed, transformed and renewed marriages that were broken and on the brink of divorce. It looked impossible from the outside. We have seen miracles happen and so if this is you, please know that it is possible.
On a practical note, I highly encourage Christian counseling and finding community. Find people that you see in healthy marriages and ask them for mentorship and to walk alongside you. If for some reason, they say no, go find another couple. Ask for help. It’s ok. There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Surround yourselves with people you can learn from and gain accountability. Even the healthiest marriages can benefit greatly from counseling. We’re planning on attending our church’s marriage conference in a few weeks. It is worth fighting for and it is worth celebrating because it is a beautiful gift.
As always, thanks for reading and go fight for your marriage today. It’s worth it.
Let all that you do be done in Love. 1 Corinthians 16:14